Our Favorite Brunette
by clagjanet
Summary: Francine pulls out the dark wig to play Magda and gets so many men into trouble...


A/N: This story started life as a script for a five minute scene to be performed in a cold read by the cast at the 35th Anniversary Reunion in October 2018. It didn't win, but it did get second place - and I got to hear the voices in my head actually perform words I wrote! Many, many thanks to Bruce Boxleitner, Greg Morton, Joseph Brutsman and most especially Martha Smith for putting the challenge out there. I hope that at some point the cast performance will be available on the souvenir DVD.

* * *

The National Mall always looked most beautiful in the spring. It was that magical time period when the warmer weather had arrived and the trees were leafing out and the grass had started to fill in again. In the not too distant future, the summer heat of Washington and the endless foot traffic of the tourists would take its toll on that lawn, leaving it worn out and brown, but today it was Washington at its finest.

The crowds though were not outside enjoying the sunshine. This time of year was also school trip season and every museum on the Mall was humming with activity.

To anyone who didn't know them, the tall sandy-haired man and the brunette on his arm looked like any other happy couple wandering through the exhibits section of the Natural History Museum but the loving closeness they were exhibiting was nothing more than a cover.

Lee dressed in a dark suit straight off of Saville Row and Francine, disguised in a dark wig and brown contact lenses, chatted quietly as they moved easily through the light crowds on their way back to the surveillance van

Under the pretense of whispering sweet nothings, Lee leaned closer to speak softly to Francine. "Thanks for making it down here on such short notice, Francine. Magda was supposed to come herself and convince Novak to give up the goods but she had to cancel on me at the last minute."

Francine hugged him closer and gave a little laugh as if he'd said something flirtatious. "Always happy to help – especially when it means getting away from Billy when he's trying to do the annual budget."

Lee chuckled in acknowledgement that he'd rescued her from a pretty terrible day back at the Agency. "Well, thanks to you, Novak told us everything we needed him to. I still can't believe how fast you got down here – I didn't even have time to tell the guys in the surveillance van that you weren't really Magda Petrak."

As they left the exhibit and entered a quiet corridor just steps away from the busy traffic areas, a voice called out, "Scarecrow!"

They turned in unison to watch as Efraim bounded up to them. "Just wanted to get that tie bar mic off you before you go-oh-oh-oh!" Intent on securing the microphone Lee was wearing, Efraim had not immediately noticed Francine but now his jaw had dropped and his eyes were bugging almost out of his head. "Holy Cow!"

To Lee's amusement, Francine couldn't help preening under Efraim's obvious fascination with the new look, even as she rolled her eyes at Lee conspiratorially.

Efraim noticed none of that as he studied her carefully before saying in a reverent voice. "That's amazing! I mean, I heard you looked like Francine but it's uncanny!"

It took a moment before they both realized the misapprehension Efraim was laboring under, and it was Lee in a spirit of male solidarity, who took pity on him first.

"Uh, Beaman?" he said, only to be stopped by Francine holding up her hand peremptorily. He watched with appreciation as Francine began her assault, complete with Magda's distinctive Hungarian accent.

"Oh yes, this Francine you speak of… I have heard of her. You think she looks like me?" She fluffed the wig and gave Beaman her best wide-eyed look.

Beaman was gazing at her almost worshipfully. "I'll say! Same nose, same lips, same…" he paused and his eyes trailed down her body. "Figure…" he breathed out.

"Oh, so she is very beautiful then, this Francine?" Francine cooed.

Lee could barely hold in his laughter but managed to cover it with a fake cough.

Efraim didn't notice, too intent on his study. "Oh yeah, but…" he stopped, lost in thought.

"But?" prompted Francine sharply.

"You are way prettier!" he said enthusiastically.

This time Lee didn't even attempt to cover his laugh, but got a sharp elbow in the ribs from Francine for his troubles.

"Oh really? You think so?" said Francine through gritted teeth.

"Oh yes, really!" replied Efraim. "I mean, Francine is really pretty but just between you and me…" He leaned in confidentially. "I've always had a thing for brunettes."

Francine's eyes narrowed. "Brunettes? Really?"

Efraim, oblivious to her tone, nodded.

Lee braced himself, especially when the martial light appeared on her face, but when she spoke, it was still in that sultry coo.

"Well then, since I like a man who thinks I am beautiful, how would you like to take me dinner tonight?" she asked.

Efraim turned to look at Lee, his expression clearly asking "Did you hear that too?" Lee gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up and Efraim turned back to Francine and nodded vigorously, obviously afraid that if he said anything, she might change her mind.

"Excellent. I will meet you in the lobby of the Hay-Adams Hotel at 7 o'clock tonight, yes?" she began to order him about.

Efraim, still unable to believe his luck, nodded again. "Absolutely!"

Francine wasn't done. "You will bring me roses. I like a man who brings me roses."

"Yes Ma'am!"

"And chocolates, "she added. "Champagne Truffles. From DeVaronna."

"Yes Ma'am!" It was obvious Efraim would have agreed to almost anything at this point.

"And your gold card," interjected Lee sardonically. "I think you're going be way over the limit on your regular credit card by the end of tonight."

Efraim looked at Francine who nodded her agreement with that assessment.

"Okay, Efraim, you got your microphone and a date for tonight – off you go," said Lee before she could come up with anything else to bankrupt the hapless lover.

"Are you really going to show up?" Lee asked as they watched Efraim head off, bounce in his step.

"Of course I am!" retorted Francine, back in her normal voice. "That man owes me filet mignon and a lobster tail! And don't you warn him! I plan on having an exquisite evening torturing him at vast expense. I mean, can you believe it? He's always had a thing for brunettes? Who has a thing for brunettes?" She turned to bend a pointed look on Lee. "Present company excepted, of course."

Lee grinned back at her, unrepentant. "Well, if it's any consolation, I think you look very beautiful as a blonde _and_ as a brunette."

Francine beamed back at the compliment and Lee leaned down to kiss her cheek. Just as he straightened up again, a nearby voice made him jump.

"Hey Lee!"

They turned in unison to find Jamie King standing behind them, arms crossed and glaring.

"Oh hey… Jamie… What are you doing here?" asked Lee, pushing Francine off his arm forcefully, thus managing to look even more guilty.

"_I'm_ on a field trip with school." Jamie waved at the milling crowd of middle-schoolers in the corridor behind him. "Why are _you_ here? And who's _she_?"

Lee glanced sideways at Francine who was looking back at him with a look of fascinated glee. "Her? Oh this is uh… Magda, Magda Petrak, an old friend of mine." Lee suddenly realized how that sounded and tripped over himself to clarify. "Of mine and your mother's," he stammered. "Your mother knows all about her! I mean, she knows her! We're all friends!" he turned to Francine, praying she'd go along with this and not cause him further problems. "Uh, Magda? This is Jamie King – Amanda's son. Jamie, Magda here is in town visiting and we're just catching up on old times."

Francine had the appearance of someone who was enjoying herself far too much. She held her hand out to Jamie, switching back to Magda's accent flawlessly. "Of course, how pleasant to meet you. I have known your mother for many years."

There was a beat and then Jamie stepped back, glaring at her. "Wait a minute, I remember you!"

Lee and Francine exchanged a worried look – they hadn't foreseen that possibility. Did Jamie mean he recognized Francine from somewhere or…?

"You do?" asked Lee in a strangled voice.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Jamie. "Yeah! You're that mean lady who told Phillip he was a loser!"

Lee relaxed a little – Jamie thought it was Magda. Francine, who had of course missed that entire little contretemps, still looked slightly confused and turned to Lee inquiringly.

"Oh well, Jamie, I mean, c'mon I've heard you call your brother a loser," Lee cajoled him.

"Yeah, but he's _my_ brother! I'm the only one that gets to say that! _She_ doesn't!"

Lee glanced helplessly at Francine who immediately cooed, "Well, if I did so, that was very rude of me. You must tell him I said I was very sorry and did not mean it."

Jamie's scowl deepened and he crossed his arms. "You sounded like you meant it," he replied petulantly.

"Well, uhhh, I must have been having a very bad day. Do you not sometimes have a bad day?" Francine asked, attempting to defuse the situation.

Jamie surveyed her for a moment, then nodded. "I guess so."

He moved to stand beside Lee with his back turned on Francine, and asked quietly, but not quietly enough, "She's not coming home with you for dinner tonight, is she? Because you said you'd help me and Phillip with the yard work if we washed the 'Vette for you and Mom said if we got everything done tonight, she'd get us Marvin's for dinner."

Francine beamed through this entire ramble. If she'd ever doubted this was Amanda's kid, she wasn't doubting it now. Her eyes sparkled as she met Lee's eyes over Jamie's head.

"No, no, it'll just be me tonight," he reassured his stepson. "Magda has other plans already, don't you, Magda?" he finished forcefully.

"Well I did…" Francine couldn't resist teasing Lee. "But perhaps I should come apologize to Jamie's brother in person?" She left a beat while Lee glared at her, silently promising her payback, then smiled even more broadly before going on. "But I cannot, since I have someone to meet for dinner."

She almost laughed out loud at the relieved expression on Lee's face, and again when Jamie turned to Lee.

"Thank goodness," he muttered, once again not quietly enough. He turned at a sound behind him "Oh that's my teacher yelling. I better go." He turned to sprint off, then turned back and called out. "Oh and Lee? Just be warned - Grandma was on the warpath again this morning about you guys getting married so you better have some excuses ready!"

Lee grimaced, then waved at him. "Great. Thanks for the warning!"

"See ya later!"

The two of them watched silently as Jamie ran back to join his class, then Lee sighed in resignation.

"Okay, what's it going to cost me for you not to repeat any of that to Billy?"

Francine took his arm and snuggled up again as they headed for the exit. "Keep quiet about Scarecrow settling down in suburbia?" she beamed. "Ohhh, let's see – I'm sure I can think of something… while we're on our way to the haute couture department at Nieman Marcus."

Lee gave another plaintive sigh, knowing that, if nothing else, Amanda would be hugely entertained by this story later. "Great. Just great," he said.

Francine squeezed his arm and gave a long low laugh. "Looks like Efraim isn't going to be the only one burning up his gold card today!"

Even Lee had to laugh out loud at that one, as they stepped out into the summer sunshine.

* * *

Endnote: Can't resist adding that the only person in the cast who flubbed a line during the live read was... Bruce. Still makes me laugh


End file.
